"We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others, Any BELONGING That asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging ." Brene brown

Belonging and Uniqueness

As we know belonging is one of our basic needs, and I have come to realise that the need to belong, can be so powerful. It can drive your life  to the point that you adjust yourself  to fit in without considering whether this is truly something in the manner that you may become the adult who they think they should be because of the desire to belong to a certain group of people or to achieve a certain image. 

Belonging is a strong driving force since we are social beings. It is a primal part of who we are – we move in packs, in flocks, in bunches, in herds. Without feeling the sense of belonging at an early stage, there is something missing in the development of the child. Something the soul  lacks that often results in insecure attachments. 

Part of the need to belong is the need for approval and acceptance, when we are different from the pack we may feel rejected, disapproved for our being different and many times we embody that rejection and disapproval as we get older. This is an item for some grief work, for a start, with the intention of working on integration.  

I am reminded of the new term called Fear of missing out (fomo) is a fear of exclusion which can be enhanced by social media and that is why it is a modern day phenomenon.

Social media has a remarkable capacity to satisfy the innate need for social connection and curiosity about what others are doing— University of Technology and Applied Sciences Oman; Amna Alabri

As parents, their role is to ideally be capable of affirming their children  by loving them for who they are by letting them know that they are perfect and belong no matter who or what they are.  Not all children benefit from this ideal parenting.  Many parents today are very busy and have much on their plates, needing to survive our world.  

Its not surprising that many adults who have received inadequate nurture in their childhood, find it difficult to embrace their uniqueness. Due to insufficient childhood nurture, a persons need to belong becomes paramount and even an attachment. In these circumstances it becomes difficult live out ones trueself.  God wants us to be true to our identity, to be self aware enough to be comfortable under own skin. When we arrive at that level of self awareness and self love,  we  are able to live out to the full extent our true and unique self. 

I am able to understand that when I sense that I don’t belong, I honor my difference from others, as well as my similarities. I commit to living out what suits me as opposed to what suits others, this way I do not compromise my commitment to walking out my uniqueness. 

Question is, how do I love well the other unique person while committing to my own distinctive self.